How To Win A Dodgeball Game In Heels

People ask me this more than you'd think, usually right before a work happy hour that has inexplicably turned competitive. Here's the whole method, condensed: don't fall down. That's ninety percent of it. The other ten percent is knowing that everyone underestimating you in heels is doing the actual work for you — they're watching your shoes instead of your throwing arm, and by the time they've recalibrated, you've already cleared the back row.

Practical notes, since apparently I have to give them: pivot from the hip, not the ankle. Aim for center mass, not the face — we're savage, not felons. And if someone says "wait, you're playing in those?" right before the whistle, that's not a warning. That's a compliment, and also your cue to go first.

Filed under: unsolicited but correct advice